A New Discovery?

steve_200I have been thinking of a statement I made in yesterday’s post Update 09.23.16.   I wrote, “…my new life, my still undefined new identity.”  I keep asking myself, “Are you really undefined?”  And I answered with “NO! I’m not undefined.”

I have written about who I thought I am (Can A Man Know Himself?) and I think that was fairly accurate, but since Terrie died, the phrase “new identity” has been used in several  discussions of grief recovery.  Many identified me in association with Terrie.  WE were identified as”Steve and Terrie” or “Terrie and Steve”.

With half of that Continue reading

Update 09.23.16

news_headline_300 TEN MONTHS

I’m not sure how I feel today.  I’m not sure what to anticipate. I see myself in an open, unfamiliar field and not sure of where the path leads. I know I must keep walking, that this is not the place or the time to stop.

My mind and my heart are in conflict about how I am with my new life, my still undefined new identity.  I seem to be adjusting to living alone.  I have times of being okay with it and other times it drives me crazy.  I can smile at times, but I don’t enjoy things as I once did, but I think that is to be Continue reading

Standards For Every Day

I was reading in the New Testament Book of Titus recently.  It was there that I read the blog_align_to_standardsqualifications for Elders found in Chapter one.  As an ordained Deacon and Elder, these verses are always humbling to me as I read them.

There are three offices noted in the New Testament for the local church: Pastor; Elder (also known as Bishop or overseer); and Deacon.  Additional qualifications can be found in 1 Timothy 3.  The Pastor’s responsibilities are to preach the Word, counsel, and provide direction for the congregation.  The Elder’s responsibilities are to set a Godly example, govern the congregation, protect the congregation, and teach the Word.  The Deacon’s responsibilities are to be a servant, to help meet the needs of the congregation.  They, too, are to be Godly examples. Continue reading

Following, Not Fighting – round one

boxing-ring-corner_300It was a few days before my fifty-fifth birthday; I was brushing my teeth, as I had done hundreds of time before, as I was preparing to go to work. I made a big smile to examine my work. It was then that I made the discovery.
I saw something white on the underside of my tongue on the left side. I pulled my tongue over and saw a white looking spot that was about three quarters of an inch by about one half of an inch. I showed it to Terrie and she said to leave it alone, but to be sure and show it to my dentist at my appointment the following Continue reading

Guarding My Heart

WHolding-heart-300x292hen I turned the corner unto my street, I pushed the button that opens my garage door.  As the door was opening, I saw a large wet yellow dog wondering loose on our street.  We don’t normally have loose dogs in our neighborhood, it’s against the rules.  I could only imagine the afternoon storm had caused my visitor to escape from his domicile.

I pulled my car into the garage and stepped to Continue reading

The Lone Crutch

I didlonecrutch-300n’t want to be alone on the evening of day that marked nine months since Terrie died.  As I was driving home, I decided I would eat out, but I was not really hungry for any particular type of food, except I had wanted some chocolate cream pie.  I didn’t want to go to the pie restaurant because I didn’t want their meal before the pie.  So, I stopped at Golden Corral instead.  I know, fine dining at its best, right?

At least, I knew I could get a variety of food types and be able to do some people watching.  I gave them something to gander upon as well.  I chose an out of the way table for two that would give me a good point of observation.

The other table for two had a plate Continue reading

Update 08.23.16

news_headline_300NINE MONTHS

I didn’t entitle my last update, an update, but instead entitled it “83 More Miles With Jesus”.  In that posting, I discussed a storm of loneliness and frustration.  The storm as died down some, but the emotional wind sometimes plays havoc with me.

I’m adjusting to the “New Normal”, which is living with loss.  “New” does not mean better, but it is different.  The pain is not as sharp when you desire to be held or to hold.  I could only assume it a few steps above Continue reading

Can A Man Know Himself?

question markA SELF-ANALYSIS

It started this way, with a text conversation.  Their statement was, “And then there is the aspect of YOU finding out who you are.”  My response was, “Is that possible?  For a simple guy, I think I may be complex!!”

If you Google “Can A Man Know Himself?” you would find quotes and statements from Socrates to Buddha to Nietzsche to almost anyone else wishing to express an opinion.  Here is mine.

Having just turned sixty-five years old, I think Continue reading

A Mysterious Waitress

waitress2_300On Tuesday, my co-worker and I needed to attend a mid-morning meeting at a job site in far western Oklahoma.  We had our meeting and started back to Oklahoma City.  We decided to stop for lunch in Weatherford.  Weatherford is a nice town of just under 12,000 people about midway between the meeting and OKC.  We were not familiar with restaurants in town, but we knew we didn’t want to do a fast food franchise.

So, as we were driving down Main Street, we came to a restaurant that looked like it had been built in the sixties.  It had a few cars, so we passed it by (one of my guidelines is if there are no cars at a restaurant Continue reading

Building A New Life

BuildingYourHouseupontheRockI have a greater appreciation for those whose homes have been lost or destroyed due to fire or natural disasters.  Some homes have had nothing left but the foundation.  Others have had the roof removed or a portion of the framing left standing.  I’m sure there must have been times when the task seems too great, too much to overcome, too discouraging, and yet deep within them, there is a wish to get back to “normal”.

On May 20, 2013, an EF-5 tornado crossed Moore, OK and S. Oklahoma City resulting in 24 lives lost, many left injured and multiple businesses, schools, and homes were completely destroyed or heavily damaged.  It was a horrible event that caused grief and sorrow.  Lives were scarred and changed that day.  Continue reading