“ Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.” James 4:10 ESV
Last night, I went to church despondent. Yesterday, I had a CT scan in the afternoon. It wasn’t the first time that I have gone through the machine, but this time was different. I was very nervous about how the result would turn out.
A CT scan is interesting in that, it can see inside of you and identify things that cannot be seen from outside. It is a shadow of what the Lord can see in us at all times. But a CT scan is limited to just organs and body parts. The Lord sees our bad attitudes and motives and our sin.
My pastor was preaching from Judges 8:22-35 about Gideon and his attitude. As part of his introduction, he spoke about Hebrews 12:1-2 regarding the sin which so easily besets us. The word “beset” is used in the KJV. In comparison, the ESV says, “clings so closely”.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1-2 ESV
I was mentally stopped for a few minutes thinking about the sin I struggle with. I asked myself why the enemy can so easily trip me up and why it clings so closely. Later that evening, the answer was to run from the temptations and keep my eyes on Jesus.
My despair came from knowing that the Lord could see my insides. Why would He want to heal me knowing what He does about me? Probably most of my sin is passive rebellion. I don’t outwardly do “things”, but I sure internalize “things”. God sees it and He knows all about me and yet, He is still so very kind to me.
That’s where being humble comes in. I could not change anything, one way or the other, to change the results of the CT scan. It was not in my doctor’s hands, it was only in God’s hands.
Today, I had an appointment to see my doctor to discuss the results. I was placed in my examination room, which has some inspirational words painted on the walls. One wall had these words: grace, goodness, kindness, compassion, courage. I was looking at the words, the font reminded me of the font used in my elementary third grade class. The words, themselves made me think that the Lord has used these same words demonstrated in my life. He has shown me grace, His goodness, He has been extremely kind and compassionate to me and He has provided me courage.
The doctor came in room and told me one of my tumors was smaller and the other one was gone. GONE!! I was overwhelmed. We will continue my Xeloda (chemo pill) and we talked about taking me off Xarelto (blood thinner) in the next six months. If I get off of Xarelto, I could then start taking Aleve to relieve my arthritis.
I walked to the parking garage without knee pain. I don’t think my feet touched the floor. I got in the van and called Terrie and gave her the report. We both cried some and thanked the Lord for loving us as no one else can.
I am grateful for all of you who pray for me. That too is so humbling. Thank you for loving me.
UPDATE 7.13.15 When I was writing this piece, I had a bible verse stuck in my mind that I couldn’t place. Yesterday, it came to me. Romans 2:4 ” 4 Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?” ESV When I was in sin, God choose to show me kindness to lead me back to Him. It shows me how incredibly loving God has been to me. Perhaps He has done that to you as well.