It was a rough close of the work day. A co-worker was visiting with another co-worker when I walked into the office. He was telling him about rules of CPR and that you can’t stop until a medic shows up. He said “if we were pumping on Steve’s chest, we couldn’t stop!!”
It ripped a hole in my heart.
I had to phone the one co-worker, on the way home, to ask him to tell the other one not to bring that up again, because that’s what I had to do to Terrie. It was too painful to hear. It was a bad flash back!
I understand he did not know the situation, but the hurt was inflicted anyway. I had a good twenty-mile cry to try to steady the boat.
I have been feeling isolated lately.
Imagine your life if, overnight, all of your immediate family were taken out of your life; your spouse, your children, your pets. Your world. What if your ability to call someone, when you wanted to chat with them is no longer an option? If you were around a group of people who will smile at you and shake your hand and say, “Have a beautiful day!”, but don’t want to or can’t seem to find a place in their heart to include you in an activity with them, even as simple as getting an iced tea together.
It makes you want to cry out “UNCLEAN, UNCLEAN”!
You know that something must be wrong with you, but you can’t figure out what it is. What have I done??? You ask God to show you what it is and you will fix it, only tell me, tell me and I will make it right, if only He would tell you what it is…………but He doesn’t tell you. He remains silent.
What am I to do? I see nothing that will change the situation.
I only know to keep trying; to make changes when I know what to change; and to keep walking, while waiting on the Lord’s plan for my life to unfold.
“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” James 1:2,3 NASB
I have to remember that!