It has been five months. Five months since Terrie died and was escorted to heaven. Five months that on some days seemed very short and some days seem so very long ago. Five months of trying to reconstruct a life that was similar to what I had before, but without all the pieces. It is like acting in a play that has had the leading lady ripped from the script, during the play, and the remaining cast has to improvise the balance until the closing curtain.
At five months, I am better in this play,than I was at four months or three months. The roller coaster doesn’t appear as often. Life is quieter. Perhaps I have gone into another cycle, like on my washing machine, from wash to rinse, to spin, and it’s over. The lid may be lifted and the wet, heavy twisted clothes may be brought out and placed into the dryer, which will add heat and tumbling until that time is up and the clothes are then wearable again. Maybe you have felt like that before.
I have been working on being content with what the Lord has provided for me. He has been and will always be faithful to me. I have been trying to focus on Him and not on losing Terrie. As the old saying goes, I haven’t lost something if I know where it is. But to be honest, that knowledge doesn’t always cover the pain of not having her in my daily life. I hear people speak of being used of God and say they believe He is using me; if that is true, than I am very grateful, that is my privilege as a bond slave of Christ.
I have tried to take on the attitude of being Christ bond slave. And in doing so, my life has become more focused. Don’t be alarmed with the analogy of being a slave, the New Testament speaks of it often. Jesus is my Lord and Master. He is a wonderful Master, who loves me and has particular duties for me to fulfill to bring glory to Him. To the reader outside of the church, this may sound strange, but to the believer, they understand it is biblical.
Applying the bond slave attitude certainly has helped me with the bad pride that I have written about. Who am I that I should receive applause for anything? If I do my task, I have only done my duty. A verse came to mind from Psalm 84:10 “For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand outside. I would rather stand at the treshold of the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness.” NASB. For me, to serve the Lord is better than anything else.
Last week, my church started a support group for those who hurt from losing a loved one. The program is called “GriefShare”. It is a wonderful program that is being used around the world. It consist of video time, small discussion group time, and workbook time through the week. I believe through this program, many of our people and those outside of our church who come, will be helped. I am honored to be the director for this program in our church.
On to something silly; I was reminded in my post “The Long Love Affair“, that I did not mention anything about Snickers. How silly of me to overlook the President of the chocolate student body, the Governor of the great state of Chocolate Paradise. He is some thing else, what with his nutty interior coexisting with nougat and covered with rippled waves of chocolate. Yes, he is Trouble, spelled with a capital T, but oh so “delicioso”.
So, what’s next? The answer is the next thing that needs to be done; whatever that may be. I have halted my prayers for a wife. My head has healed, but my heart needs more time. I would like to have a friend someday, but that too is in the Lord’s hands. As I said before, selling this old car will be a hard sell! In the sells business the saying goes, “It only takes one!” We will see, no rush, no pressure, we’ll see, we’ll see what’s down the road.