I used to love to swim and water ski. When Terrie and I were still dating, her dad bought a boat and water skies, so for many weekends of the summer, we would be on the water. We all would ski, but I got most of the time behind the boat. I liked to go fast and have the boat turn quickly to whip me out to go even faster. Occasionally, I would fall or bounce across the top of the water like a flat stone tossed on a pond.
So, loving the water the way I did, it was not unusual for me to want to learn to sail. I had seen several sailboats on the lake and even small ones called “Sunfish” that the public could rent. And that is what I did. I took a ten minute lesson and Terrie and I got on the boat and sailed out of the cove. I was having a great having the mist come off the bow of the sailboat and cooling you on that hot summer day.
Terrie was not as excited as I was about sailing, but she was with me on our new adventure. After a short time, we had sailed to another part of the lake and the wind s
topped completely. In Oklahoma, the wind usually averages about 14 or 15 miles an hour at any time. We waited and waited and waited some more.
We had entered the “intertropical convergence zone”. You are aware of it, I’m sure. It is when two trade winds would come together around the equator, causing the wind to stop blowing for weeks. In very old days, sailors would call this, entering the doldrums.
We were in the doldrums for over two hours. I tried everything I could to get that craft moving and I didn’t get it moving until my father-in-law found us and towed us back around the point of the lake where the wind was blowing. Our sail filled and I headed back to the rental cove.
For the third day, I have found myself in the doldrums. I feel empty and void. Dull and numb. There is no wind to fill my sail. I’m not even drifting, because there is no current beneath me. My energy level is diminished by straining to move my craft. This is not normal for me. I seemed to have lost hope for my future. And that frustrates me, because I know in my intellect that I have a future. But my heart doesn’t believe my head. My heart believes I will remain alone and that thought is so hard for me to accept.
I am at a stop. No steps are being taken, not even “baby steps”. None can be taken. I know I have months of repair and healing ahead of me, but my heart is broken now and without comfort. My tears…my tears burn my eyes. I feel very much the lone wildebeest separated from the herd. The hungry lioness awaits in the tall grass, waiting for me to get closer; waiting to feed on the straggler, the injured one.
But I must not give in to this feeling. I must believe, in due time, the Lord will send someone, just as He had sent my father-in-law to find us, to find me. I must keep my head above water and not swallow very much water. I must find my lifesaver ring again. Yes, I see it now! I can see the lettering H-O-P-E in red letters on the white background. I think I can make it, if I can reach it. I’m fine. Really, I’m fine.