I didn’t entitle my last update, an update, but instead entitled it “83 More Miles With Jesus”. In that posting, I discussed a storm of loneliness and frustration. The storm as died down some, but the emotional wind sometimes plays havoc with me.
I’m adjusting to the “New Normal”, which is living with loss. “New” does not mean better, but it is different. The pain is not as sharp when you desire to be held or to hold. I could only assume it a few steps above the effects of a lobotomy. Well, maybe that’s too strong of a description. There are times when you just feel you’re going through the motions of life.
I had my first birthday without Terrie, a couple of weeks ago. I officially became a senior citizen and I’m not sure how I feel about that. Sometimes my brain thinks I’m still twenty-one, but my body will speak up and remind my brain that we are well over that date. Terrie always made a big deal of my birthday. When the calendar changed to August, my heart started grieving over her not being part of my birthday. I did try to lean into the date, but I went into a funk. I started overeating and having too much chocolate. Instead of losing weight as I said I wanted to do last month, I have gained ten pounds.
I was going through a different kind of storm. This was not so much loneliness and frustration, but more stress related. I took several days off from Facebook and phone calls to concentrate on what I need to do to be a better person. Through pray, I believe I came up with the answer for me. In retrospect, they are simple and easy to do and I don’t even have to spend any money to do it. I just have to make some effort to do it.
This last month, I have done more writing. “A New Marriage, A New Beginning” was pretty well received. “Building A New Life” was not as well received and “Can A Man Know Himself?” was only so-so. I speak in terms of numbers of readers. I’m sure the personal impact of was tremendous of each reader (tongue in cheek). I did write about “A Mysterious Waitress” that created some discussion. So, it seems at least to me, folks are perhaps growing tired of my commentaries. I can always console myself by saying the Olympics were on. It’s hard to compete against Olympic Badminton.
The good news is the Lord is still with me and He is encouraging me. I did get a card in the mail from a friend that meant a lot to me. The card was based on Hebrews 10:23 “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.” I can always look to the Lord to be faithful to me.
My lung doctor is continuing with my Xeloda chemotherapy pill. He says since I tolerate it well, we will continue it just to make sure new tumors do not appear. I am thankful the Lord removed all of my tumors from my lungs. In other health news, I will be joining a gym to get some exercise and to get out of the house. My eating is not doing well. I’m stuck on cheeseburgers and chocolate. Maybe the treadmill will change that.
On Facebook, several friends were doing the “Love Your Spouse Challenge”, in which they would post something every day about their spouse. That was hard for me to see because I knew Terrie would have participated and been part of it. But she showed me her love every day.
Well, life goes on. It is wrong to be jealous or envious that others still have their loved ones and family. Actually, I am so glad that they do have them. I only hope they appreciate them every day.