I hate being single and alone!
As a guy who needs social involvement, it is aggravating to be alone. I don’t seem to know how to function without someone I feel close to in my life.
I really don’t need a lot of involvement from others. Just one will do. Throughout my life, I have found one was about all that I did have.
As a child, my sister was the one. We played together and hung out together. We were about the only ones we knew as a result of moving so often. In high school, I had a one friend at different times, but never more than one at a time. After high school, I moved back to Oklahoma and lived with my brother for a short time, until I had enough money to live on my own. Up until that time, there was always someone in the house with me.
I lived alone in a duplex when I met Terrie. I didn’t have enough money for the deposit to turn the gas on, so I had cold showers for a long time. After I met Terrie, I spend most of my time ,when I wasn’t working, at her house with her family.
For over forty five years, I had someone to talk to and to do things with, and it was good. When she passed, that was over. We did not have children. We did not have a pet, when she died. It was just the two of us. And now, it is just one. And now there is no one to talk to or to do things with.
Experientially, I have learned that people we did things with, must feel awkward with just me, because they stopped asking me to do anything with them. This is not uncommon when a spouse dies. Friends may not know what to say or they may feel uncomfortable with an odd number. This is not a gripe, but just telling what happened.
Living alone for a year was horrible for me and very hard. I did not enjoy it at all.
A little over a year after Terrie died, I met a lady and we became friends. We would go out for dinner or to a movie or for a day trip and we enjoyed one another’s company. A few weeks ago, that ended suddenly and unexpectedly. It was no one’s fault, it just happened.
14 You are my friends if you do what I command you.15 No longer do I call you servants [Gr. Doulos (doo-los)(a slave)], for the servant [doulos] does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. John 15:14,15 ESV
Since then, I have been in a ‘funk’. I was isolated again. I was no longer part of someones life. I had grown accustomed to hearing how life was going with them and for me to contribute what I could about my life. I grew discouraged and dejected.
Last Sunday morning, Pastor Greg Keenen preached, from Mark 9:33-37, a message entitled “Receiving A Child” (https://www.gracewayokc.org/2018-sermon-audio/) (date 3/25/18). He talked about surrendering. The disciples were discussing which of them were the greatest. Jesus responded with not about who was great, but about being surrendered to the Master. Jesus said we had to receive Him as He was. He was a “doulos” (servant/slave) (see Philippians 2). One who does what his Master instructs him to do. In 2010, John MacArthur wrote a book called, “Slave”. It speaks about the “Master/Slave” relationship in depth and would be a good read for you.
The message touched me and made me think about my not surrendering being single to the Lord. Oh, I have told Him plenty of times what I would like to have and getting it right now would be OK too. I had told Him how I don’t function well alone and couldn’t I have just one friend to hang out with, since I don’t make friends easily. That didn’t seem like much to ask for. But to really acknowledge His Lordship over my social life, I had not surrendered it to Him.
I went home after the service and thought about things. I cried and repented and surrendered whatever He had for me to Him. Single or with someone. It was all up to Him. I surrendered. It was out of my hands.
I texted Brother Greg and told him what I had done. He responded with surrender was difficult, but I would find peace in it. He then said Sunday night’s message would affirm me.
On Sunday night’s we have had some video messages from some great preachers who had some great messages for us to hear. That night, Ron Dunn preached on, “Chained To The Chariot” (http://rondunn.com/chained-to-the-chariot/ ). It’s available on You Tube as well. Brother Ron spoke of the key to a victorious life in Christ shown in 2 Corinthians 2. He gave an illustration of a Roman custom of when someone was conquered and surrendered to the greater power, they were chained to the conquering hero’s chariot and pulled through the streets to be humiliated. In this illustration, Paul relates that Christ overcame me and is now my Master and I am his slave (doulos). It was not to humiliate me, but to show the new relationship we have together. It is a great message and one you should hear or read.
The upshot of it for me, was that where ever the Lord leads me, I am to follow in His wake. I don’t have to make the way, I don’t have to find some one. If He want’s me to be with someone, He will lead me to her and in His time table. If there is not some one else, I don’t need them. He can change me.
If I were writing fiction, I would now insert how I met someone on the peanut butter aisle of the grocery and we fell in love. To give a happy ending, but I don’t write fiction. I write what I know and have experienced. I try to be open and honest with you. Has my desire changed? No, but I know that He knows what my desire is and He will do what is best for me.
Did your church ever close the service with this song, “Where ever He leads, I’ll go. Where ever He leads, I’ll go. I’ll follow my Christ who loves me so. Where ever He leads, I’ll go.”? I think that is where I am right now. Just waiting to see where He takes me.