I have always been a “one-woman-man”! I have always only dated one woman at a time and I have never been interested in having multiple girlfriends at a time. If you review my writings, you know I was completely “head over heels” in love with my wife.
I meet Terrie when I was 18 years old. I wanted to spend all of my life together with her and I would have like to have been “Raptured” out together, being together until the very end.
But after four years of dating/courting and forty one and a half years of marriage, my world changed. Terrie died in her sleep. My marriage vow (’till death do you part’) was fulfilled and my life had to start again at 64.
I thought in the weeks and months after Terrie’s passing, I would like to be married again. I saw it as a testimony on how great marriage was in my life and how trying to live as the Bible says to live really works.
In that time period, I sensed my life was not over and I had more to do and more ministry opportunities to fulfill with the right woman at my side. But I needed to learn more. My education about who I was and who God would required some special classes.
I needed to learn who I was in the aftermath of being left alone. With the exception of about three months of living alone in a garage apartment, I had always lived with others, my family and then after being married with my wife. Now, I was challenged to sift through the debris of grief to see what was left to rebuild my life.
As a shy person, I soon realized I relied on Terrie to help me communicate in social settings. She was so good at talking with people, I would just sit back and enjoy listening to her. Using techniques Terrie used, I had to step up to the plate to take my turn at bat. I’m not as good at it as she was, but I’m improving.
I, also, needed to learn more about the God that I served. I needed to learn that He was the faithful God that the Word of God said He was. I thought I already knew that based on my previous health issues and experiences. But this was an advanced class. When I was going through cancer, Terrie was always with me and supported me. I saw her before seeing the Lord.
I would pray almost every day asking for a friend. One morning, after verbalizing those words, it was impressed in my heart, that the Lord has always been my friend and was always with me, never leaving me alone, but I was not satisfied with His friendship. I apologized and began to see how He was with me.
Another thing that I had to learn was to trust Him and His timing. And those things I did learn. Did you ever play the game of hide and seek, where you placed your hands over your eyes and waited on someone to hide? I played that with God. I knew He wouldn’t bring someone into my life until she was the right person and at the right time. I would metaphorically place my hands over my eyes and say, “Ok, Lord, I’m ready!” will I was peeking to see what He was doing. In this imagined conversation, He would say, “No you’re not! I see you peeking.” Folks, we just can’t manipulate the Lord or His timing. His plan is always perfect!
“I love you too! I do believe God has brought us together. Never thought a second love like this would or could happen. God has a plan and I’m excited to see it happen with you!” – Nancy
So when I was through running my game and trying to do it my way, and failing, He put Nancy in my life.
I had known Nancy for many years. She worked for a company that worked with my company. I had talked with her several times on the phone and seen her at company related functions, but that was about it. I knew she was a widow and she served the Lord. We were Facebook friends because of our work relation.
I was aware that she had not dated since her husband passed and going out with me was a big step. But from the first date, we were both at peace and the amount of things we were compatible on was scary good. As we saw each other more and more, we knew there was something in this relationship that was surprising to us.
I learned that Nancy also felt that her life wasn’t over and there was more to do. But she was not sure how or what God was going to do what He does so very well.
After some months of dating, we realized God had us together for a reason. But with that is a certain amount of anxiety. I have had two types of anxiety.
One was the anxiety I had before going in for a surgery (fear). The second was the anxiety of going down a road you haven’t been on before. You are excited and a little unsure, not sure of what was ahead, added with the thrill of discovering new things. The latter is what I feel.
Along with the excitement, I think there has to be a certain amount of solemnity / responsibility involved as well. Certain questions that must be asked of yourself and of one another. What are the long term goals/expectations? For myself, I would love to spend the rest of my life with my life with Nancy, if that is what the Lord wants. Have we both healed enough from our grief that we can move forward together? We have been very much aware it would be wrong to ignore the lives we had before we met. Those lives helped us become who we are today. Again, Nancy’s husband and my wife, were part of who we are (two shall become one) now.
As we grow together, we will learn about each other’s family members and our family history. I mentioned to Nancy we may need to put together a flow chart of family members to pull out during discussions.
There are other things to be prepared for and thought out. But while I might know the answer to a particular question, I have the same overall answer and that is, as we submit ourselves to the Lord, He will show us the answer and the way to make it work. Amos 3:3 says, “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?”
Others have found second loves, either after their spouse has died or after a divorce. I’m sure those of you who have gone through this before can understand what I trying to convey. At this moment, right now, I know it is not the time to get married, but I think it would be wonderful a little further down the path. These questions and thought process is what I am doing to be the best husband, defender, protector, friend, love I can be for Nancy.
While I am in love, am I totally prepared for a second love? No, BUT I trust the one who brought Nancy and I together and know that He does all things well and He will have us prepared for the the next step, whatever or whenever that may be. Until then, I’m just going to enjoy being in love!
What are your thoughts or experience with a second love? I’d love to hear from you.