Following, Not Fighting – round three

boxing-ring-corner_300I finally gave in to do what my doctor wanted me to do, I consented to have a colonoscopy.

He warned that I was long past the recommended age for having a colonoscopy done, which is 50 years old.  I was then 61.  So an appointment was made and I asked my friend to go with me, since Terrie could not leave her 6th grade class that she taught.

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The Sound Of A Bridge

erin-spring-bridge

It’s funny the things your brain remembers.

I was remembering when I was a young boy, we lived in Lamont, CA.  Each summer, we would drive back to Lindsay, OK to vacation with my grandfather on his farm.  This would have been in about 1957 or so.

We would leave Friday evening after Dad got off work.  One of the reasons for leaving at that time was our car did not have Continue reading

Suitable For Him

Tholding-hands_300he second Christmas has passed and I have mixed emotions.  Yesterday, I had many reminders of where I was emotionally one year ago.  That time was very raw and painful.  This year, there was a respectful awareness, but I had some joy and happiness, at the same time.

I think the joy and happiness was due to the Lord continuing to work in my life and to graciously bless me in at least two ways: First, in “Good Tidings of Great Joy“, I     described re-focusing on the true subject of why we celebrate Christmas.  Secondly, in “Trust and Obey“, I mentioned I had gone on a Continue reading

Following, Not Fighting – round two

boxing-ring-corner_300The Lord had been gracious to me when I was diagnosed with oral cancer the first time.  I had the best oral cancer surgeons in America work on me by removing a portion of my tongue and rebuilding it with a skin graft in a way that I could still speak and eat and remain close to a normal existence.   I was told if I could go five years without getting cancer again, I would be considered healed.

I was so grateful to the Lord for He had shown Himself mightily Continue reading

Wings of the Morning

july_morning_sunbeams_by_jchandersI like to return to my favorite Psalm (139) when I am in need of comfort and guidance.  Such was the case, after my dear wife died in her sleep a year ago.  The morning of her funeral, I opened my old tattered bible to this Psalm to give me bravery, hope, and peace.  I have had this old friend for most of my Christian life; this friend with its stained, underlined verses could do that.  This old friend could comfort me in the loss of my oldest friend.

I began to read these verses, which seem to me to be very intimate  Continue reading

A New Discovery?

steve_200I have been thinking of a statement I made in yesterday’s post Update 09.23.16.   I wrote, “…my new life, my still undefined new identity.”  I keep asking myself, “Are you really undefined?”  And I answered with “NO! I’m not undefined.”

I have written about who I thought I am (Can A Man Know Himself?) and I think that was fairly accurate, but since Terrie died, the phrase “new identity” has been used in several  discussions of grief recovery.  Many identified me in association with Terrie.  WE were identified as”Steve and Terrie” or “Terrie and Steve”.

With half of that Continue reading

Update 09.23.16

news_headline_300 TEN MONTHS

I’m not sure how I feel today.  I’m not sure what to anticipate. I see myself in an open, unfamiliar field and not sure of where the path leads. I know I must keep walking, that this is not the place or the time to stop.

My mind and my heart are in conflict about how I am with my new life, my still undefined new identity.  I seem to be adjusting to living alone.  I have times of being okay with it and other times it drives me crazy.  I can smile at times, but I don’t enjoy things as I once did, but I think that is to be Continue reading

Following, Not Fighting – round one

boxing-ring-corner_300It was a few days before my fifty-fifth birthday; I was brushing my teeth, as I had done hundreds of time before, as I was preparing to go to work. I made a big smile to examine my work. It was then that I made the discovery.
I saw something white on the underside of my tongue on the left side. I pulled my tongue over and saw a white looking spot that was about three quarters of an inch by about one half of an inch. I showed it to Terrie and she said to leave it alone, but to be sure and show it to my dentist at my appointment the following Continue reading

Guarding My Heart

WHolding-heart-300x292hen I turned the corner unto my street, I pushed the button that opens my garage door.  As the door was opening, I saw a large wet yellow dog wondering loose on our street.  We don’t normally have loose dogs in our neighborhood, it’s against the rules.  I could only imagine the afternoon storm had caused my visitor to escape from his domicile.

I pulled my car into the garage and stepped to Continue reading

Can A Man Know Himself?

question markA SELF-ANALYSIS

It started this way, with a text conversation.  Their statement was, “And then there is the aspect of YOU finding out who you are.”  My response was, “Is that possible?  For a simple guy, I think I may be complex!!”

If you Google “Can A Man Know Himself?” you would find quotes and statements from Socrates to Buddha to Nietzsche to almost anyone else wishing to express an opinion.  Here is mine.

Having just turned sixty-five years old, I think Continue reading