I’m at an awkward place in my life.
There are two dates coming up shortly, that represents painful memories for me. The first date is this coming Sunday. My church is having its annual Thanksgiving dinner after the evening service. Two years ago, Terrie wasn’t feeling well and didn’t make it for the service or to the dinner. I went alone and felt alone. Seeing family and friends sitting together, laughing, and having a good time was difficult for me. Continue reading
Sometimes you think the journey is over, but only to find out the Lord allowed you to have a respite, a time to heal and get stronger. A time to learn and a time to share. That’s where I have been for the last six months. I was in a beautiful oasis.
In July of last year, I wrote 83 More Miles With Jesus.
In that post, I listed many frustrations Continue reading
Frank Sinatra made the song “The Second Time Around”, written by Jimmy Van Heusen and Sammy Cahn, popular. The first verse says, ” Love is lovlier the second time around. Just as wonderful with both feet on the ground. It’s the second time you hear your song sung. Makes you think, perhaps that love, like youth, is wasted on the young.”
I have stated if it is the Lord’s will, I would like to love again. My experience with Terrie was so wonderful to me, that I would like that to happen again. But the question behind the desire is does God want that to happen? The honest answer is, Continue reading
Have you ever sat in a chair and had it collapse? I have and it’s not fun ending up setting on the floor! My experience was with a fold out seat on a two wheel push-pull golf cart. I was nineteen and weighed 170 pounds and I wanted to buy the cart for my future father-in-law. So while in the store, I sat the cart on the floor, folded out the seat and sat down, only to have it drop like an out of control elevator.
Do you know what I learned from that life lesson? To take a look and make a determination if the other chairs I want to sit in will hold me. We have to make hundreds of determinations every day about things we place our trust in every day. Will the truck that is passing me stay in his lane? Continue reading
I like to return to my favorite Psalm (139) when I am in need of comfort and guidance. Such was the case, after my dear wife died in her sleep a year ago. The morning of her funeral, I opened my old tattered bible to this Psalm to give me bravery, hope, and peace. I have had this old friend for most of my Christian life; this friend with its stained, underlined verses could do that. This old friend could comfort me in the loss of my oldest friend.
I began to read these verses, which seem to me to be very intimate Continue reading
TWELVE MONTHS/ ONE YEAR
It is hard to grasp the range of emotions that I have felt in the last year. The tears, the anger, the frustration, the loneliness, but there was/is also the comfort I received from the Lord, from my family, and from my friends. The greater love I have come to understand from my Lord and a greater appreciation of the love I had with Terrie. Continue reading
Did you catch the mistake I made on my last update? One clever reader, after reading the post, alluded to my being able to predict the future. I said to myself “Huh, what are they talking about? I didn’t write anything about predicting the future!” I re-read the body of my piece four or five times and did not find what they were talking about. My judgement was, “They’re NUTS!” I got a text from my sister, which unlocked the mystery for me. She said, “Your title is Update 10.23.16. This is 09.23.16.” While she didn’t say it, she could have been justified by adding “Moron.” So, the clever reader got me. Made me twist in the wind. Showed no mercy. But that’s par for me, that’s normal (me smiling here)! That’s the way I’m treated!! Continue reading
I have been thinking of a statement I made in yesterday’s post Update 09.23.16. I wrote, “…my new life, my still undefined new identity.” I keep asking myself, “Are you really undefined?” And I answered with “NO! I’m not undefined.”
I have written about who I thought I am (Can A Man Know Himself?) and I think that was fairly accurate, but since Terrie died, the phrase “new identity” has been used in several discussions of grief recovery. Many identified me in association with Terrie. WE were identified as”Steve and Terrie” or “Terrie and Steve”.
With half of that Continue reading
I’m not sure how I feel today. I’m not sure what to anticipate. I see myself in an open, unfamiliar field and not sure of where the path leads. I know I must keep walking, that this is not the place or the time to stop.
My mind and my heart are in conflict about how I am with my new life, my still undefined new identity. I seem to be adjusting to living alone. I have times of being okay with it and other times it drives me crazy. I can smile at times, but I don’t enjoy things as I once did, but I think that is to be Continue reading
I didn’t entitle my last update, an update, but instead entitled it “83 More Miles With Jesus”. In that posting, I discussed a storm of loneliness and frustration. The storm as died down some, but the emotional wind sometimes plays havoc with me.
I’m adjusting to the “New Normal”, which is living with loss. “New” does not mean better, but it is different. The pain is not as sharp when you desire to be held or to hold. I could only assume it a few steps above Continue reading