The Back Porch

My brother and his wife moved into a new house in the fall of 2015.  It is a beautiful home with wooded property on the other side of the fence.  Very quiet and peaceful.

On Monday, November 23rd of that year, my wife died in her sleep.  Her funeral was on Wednesday, November 25th.  Thanksgiving was on the next day, Thursday, November 26th.

I was asked to come to my brother’s house for Thanksgiving.  Everyone knew I would be hurting, but also knew I didn’t need to be alone.  I knew it as well, so I went for the day.

The house was full of family and little children.  I was used to my home being much quieter with just Terrie and me.  So it didn’t take a long time Continue reading

Suitable For Him

Tholding-hands_300he second Christmas has passed and I have mixed emotions.  Yesterday, I had many reminders of where I was emotionally one year ago.  That time was very raw and painful.  This year, there was a respectful awareness, but I had some joy and happiness, at the same time.

I think the joy and happiness was due to the Lord continuing to work in my life and to graciously bless me in at least two ways: First, in “Good Tidings of Great Joy“, I     described re-focusing on the true subject of why we celebrate Christmas.  Secondly, in “Trust and Obey“, I mentioned I had gone on a Continue reading

Update 09.23.16

news_headline_300 TEN MONTHS

I’m not sure how I feel today.  I’m not sure what to anticipate. I see myself in an open, unfamiliar field and not sure of where the path leads. I know I must keep walking, that this is not the place or the time to stop.

My mind and my heart are in conflict about how I am with my new life, my still undefined new identity.  I seem to be adjusting to living alone.  I have times of being okay with it and other times it drives me crazy.  I can smile at times, but I don’t enjoy things as I once did, but I think that is to be Continue reading

Update 08.23.16

news_headline_300NINE MONTHS

I didn’t entitle my last update, an update, but instead entitled it “83 More Miles With Jesus”.  In that posting, I discussed a storm of loneliness and frustration.  The storm as died down some, but the emotional wind sometimes plays havoc with me.

I’m adjusting to the “New Normal”, which is living with loss.  “New” does not mean better, but it is different.  The pain is not as sharp when you desire to be held or to hold.  I could only assume it a few steps above Continue reading

Update 06.25.16

news_headline_300As I begin to write, I am listening  to Andrea Bocelli singing on my internet radio.  He is one of many reminders of the things Terrie enjoyed.  Thoughts of her crowd my mind,
especially on Monday’s and on the 23rd of the month, the day and date of her death.  Those thoughts are less painful now.  Most of the time, I can smile without crying, but there are those times, I smile with tears in my eyes.

I said I would give a monthly update for the first year of grieving, in order to help those who have not experienced the death of someone close to them, a spouse or parent or child.  This is the seventh month and it is yet different than the sixth month.  Continue reading

Update 04.16.16

news_headline_300It has been five months.  Five months since Terrie died and was escorted to heaven.  Five months that on some days seemed very short and some days seem so very long ago.  Five months of trying to reconstruct a life that was similar to what I had before, but without all the pieces.  It is like acting in a play that has had the leading lady ripped from the script, during the play, and the remaining cast has to improvise the balance until the closing curtain.

At five months, I am better in this play, Continue reading

A Stop At An Oasis

Goasis-300od is good to give you a detour, occasionally, on the “highway of grief”, especially after a rough and bumpy section of highway.  I wrote about that stretch of highway in my post Update 2.21.16.

I was angry about being alone and empty and I didn’t want to be that way.  My desire was to be used by God, but I was afraid I wouldn’t be in that condition.    I said the fight was out of me and I gave up.  I surrendered my will to His will. Continue reading

Update 2.21.16

news_headline_300I am both embarrassed and ashamed of where I am now.  I have entered a time of anger.  I have become irritable and testy with people whom I admire and respect.  They have done nothing to cause my irritability, but nevertheless, they received it.  Fortunately, the Holy Spirit began to work on me and I apologized, recognizing I was Continue reading