Guarding My Heart

WHolding-heart-300x292hen I turned the corner unto my street, I pushed the button that opens my garage door.  As the door was opening, I saw a large wet yellow dog wondering loose on our street.  We don’t normally have loose dogs in our neighborhood, it’s against the rules.  I could only imagine the afternoon storm had caused my visitor to escape from his domicile.

I pulled my car into the garage and stepped to Continue reading

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Update 06.25.16

news_headline_300As I begin to write, I am listening  to Andrea Bocelli singing on my internet radio.  He is one of many reminders of the things Terrie enjoyed.  Thoughts of her crowd my mind,
especially on Monday’s and on the 23rd of the month, the day and date of her death.  Those thoughts are less painful now.  Most of the time, I can smile without crying, but there are those times, I smile with tears in my eyes.

I said I would give a monthly update for the first year of grieving, in order to help those who have not experienced the death of someone close to them, a spouse or parent or child.  This is the seventh month and it is yet different than the sixth month.  Continue reading

Wait On The Dream

Istop_300t’s been awhile since I last posted here.  I needed time to process my emotions and where I was with the Lord and to try to get a better idea of where I was in the healing process.

The last post was on the 21st of May.  I was looking with some anxiousness about two dates that were coming up quickly.  Monday, the 23rd marked six months since Terrie died.  Wednesday, the 25th marked what would have been our 42nd wedding anniversary.  Those dates loomed like twin peaks on my horizon.  I had to be able to get past those events and be able to emotionally survive.

In my GriefShare sessions, I was taught to lean into events like this, as one would lean into an ocean wave they knew was coming.  I had a choice to make, I could either give no resistance and be knocked down by an emotional wave of missing her without hope or I could brace myself with anticipation and think on the blessing of having had her in my life for so much of my life.  I choose Continue reading

Having Faith

Having Faith_300 To the faithful reader, I think you would agree that I have faithfully and truthfully written of the emotions that I have experienced on my “highway of grief”.  I have told you when I was hurting, angry, discouraged, and when I was given rest.  All of these things, I chose to give thanks to the Lord, as it was and is part of my healing.

In my last post (Time Out In The Intertropical Convergence Zone), I was in the doldrums and without wind or hope.  Since that writing, I have been trying to discern Continue reading

Learning To Be Content – Follow Up

 

Scalmwater_300_210ince February of this year, the Lord has been working in my mind and heart about pride.  There are two types of pride.  The first is a good pride, like being proud of your children, or in something else.  It is usually something external from you.  The second is bad pride, like being proud of your children because you think they are better than other children.  This is usually started from within you.  Arrogance is associated with this type of pride.  God speaks against this type of pride in the Bible.  I think that I have previously said there are over
Continue reading

Update 03.14.16

It news_headline_300was a rough close of the work day.  A co-worker was visiting with another co-worker when I walked into the office.  He was telling him about rules of CPR and that you can’t stop until a medic shows up.  He said “if we were pumping on Steve’s chest, we couldn’t stop!!”

It ripped a hole in my heart.

I had to phone the one co-worker, on the way home, to ask him to tell the other one not to bring that up again, because that’s what I had to do to Terrie. It was too painful to hear.  It was a bad flash back! Continue reading